the worst possible has occured.

ivaninho to vanified to vandezous

yeap yeap, a new journey begins at...

vandezvous.blogspot.com

=)

I thought sometime alone
was what we really needed
you said this time would hurt more than it helps
but I couldn't see that
I thought it was the end
of a beautiful story
and so I left the one I loved at home to be alone
and I tried to find
out if this one thing is true
that I'm nothing without you
I know better now
and I've had a change of heart

I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else
I'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself
I'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart

hello world. just got home from a good half an hour in the car. got pretty bored at home and decided to train on my parallel parking. something i haven't done since the mount faber incident. haha. so yea, weekends finally here, nothing great actually. anyways, went school training today, that's all my day was. boring days. like i said, holidays are redundant without you and friday nights are sucky without you.

Oh, and everybody's talking,
in words I don't understand

You've got to be the only one,
who knows just who I am

You're shining in the distance,
I hope I can make it through

Because the only place I want to be,
is right back home with you

mahjong session and champions league night at jing's yesterday. got home only at like 6-ish this morning and continued to watch the arsenal penalty shootout. slept in, woke up late and another day just passes rotting at home. of course the best part was the webcam session with fanglynn! haha, so fun. missing you dear.

You've got to give me everything
Nothing less cause
You know I give you all of me

Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don't ever wanna have to go & give you up

I want to make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time?
Baby if we're gonna do it, come on do it right

i realise how i have neglected so many friends over the past year or so and i don't have many of them left. i don't know if it's jet lag or what, but i feel really terrible being stucked at home. it's like so boring and lonely. to make things worse, i have developed this habit of waking up super early in the morning and not go back to sleep. oh wells. picked leon up this morning with the intention to collect pay from the office only to realize that it is closed. sucks man. haha.

exam results are out. hmm.

school holidays are redundant without you.

i was sharing what true love really is...

★avril says:
can u share with me what abt true love that u know?
what matters is the end. says:
simple
what matters is the end. says:
if you truely love someone, you want that person to be happy, no matter what
★avril says:
uh huh
what matters is the end. says:
that's all
★avril says:
even at ur expense of being unhappy and sad?
what matters is the end. says:
if the person you love is happy at the expense of you being sad
what matters is the end. says:
it's not true love, it's just love
what matters is the end. says:
coz true love is..as long as that person is happy
what matters is the end. says:
you are happy too
what matters is the end. says:
like sincerely happy, not fake one
★avril says:
hmm ok
★avril says:
i get it now
what matters is the end. says:
even if it means the person not being with you
what matters is the end. says:
you will still be happy as long as the person is happy
what matters is the end. says:
it can mean anything
what matters is the end. says:
even if the person take knife stab you
what matters is the end. says:
and that person happy
what matters is the end. says:
you also will be happy
what matters is the end. says:
it's that extreme depending on how true is your love
★avril says:
so if i let someone be happy at the expense of me crying my eyes out,tts not true love?
what matters is the end. says:
yup
what matters is the end. says:
it's just feeling sore
what matters is the end. says:
it's more like..obsession, not love
★avril says:
so if i want tt person to be happy
★avril says:
i must be happy
★avril says:
so if im not
★avril says:
then im doing it for the sake of it
what matters is the end. says:
yea
what matters is the end. says:
and i tell you, dont worry if you are not happy
what matters is the end. says:
true love is very very very hard to find
what matters is the end. says:
some ppl live their lives without finding it
★avril says:
ya i agree
what matters is the end. says:
yeap
what matters is the end. says:
and when you find it, you may not necessarily be able to hold it
★avril says:
unless u're really able to fight for it
what matters is the end. says:
yea, but sometimes when you fight too hard, it may make the person unhappy
what matters is the end. says:
then you wont be happy, and wont wanna do it anymore coz u want the person to be happy
★avril says:
tricky
what matters is the end. says:
tricky la
what matters is the end. says:
true love..you can hold on to it..only if it's mutual..
what matters is the end. says:
true love doesnt mean two ppl love each other..
what matters is the end. says:
it can also mean only one party loves the other
what matters is the end. says:
so if you think you've found true love but you're not able to hold it..
what matters is the end. says:
do all you can behind the scenes to make your true love happy
what matters is the end. says:
maybe help him find another girl that will make him really happy
what matters is the end. says:
or just be a nice friend to him..like a guardian angel kinda thing
★avril says:
i guess
★avril says:
tt requires effort and courage
★avril says:
sth big to handle
what matters is the end. says:
nope, if it's true love..you will do it with a breeze..

loving and wanting is seperated by a thin line. do you love someone or want someone? it's different. i've found true love but don't have it yet, have you?

kids these days. sorry, i'm not the least bit affected.

so i took the really dumb picture above on sunday. had met ziyang and sijia on that night for simpang prata and a chit chat session. the picture above is actually the moon. haha. because i remembered on saturday night in melbourne i saw the moon and now in singapore i see the moon, i realize it's the same moon though melbourne is so far away. i'm fascinated by the size of the moon, think i'm a retard.

baby, same moon yet miles apart.

alright, so the above picture was taken last night when i'm out with my boys. linger, i miss the night we came here to attempt to hold the singapore flyer with our fingers and trying to eat it up too. remember?

so yes, a secret rendezvous with my boys again last night. this time, we did a really stupid thing again. the last one, we ended up sweating like shit coz of the playground at pasir ris park. this time it was sweaty too. can't take it, my boys are just too sporty. told them a million times, when we go out, we must wear nike/adidas. hahaha.

alright, before the stupid thing, we enjoyed good supper as usual at bedok 85. then after that it was off to marina barrage and the sweaty part begins. first, we climbed up this bloody roof of this sail looking thing, we really looked like heroes but sadly, a good camera wasn't around. then we decided we were not heroes enough, we decided to go stand at the ledge of the building, like a suicide looking thing. it was fucking scary i swear, plus the strong winds, gosh.

you see, this is the problem with us. we stand there and look like heroes but we really have nothing to gain. but we still do it. let's stop this next time okay? ugh. so yea, after all these heroic stuff, the really sweat part begins. we played human chess on this tiled floor followed by everyone's childhood favourite, ice and water!! i feel quite ashamed saying this. who plays ice and water at marina barrage at the wee hours of like 3am. gosh.

then it was story-telling time before something really cool happened. the utilities board decided to open the barrage to let water out. gosh, it was the coolest thing ever. firstly, loud sirens were sounded followed by warning messages. flood lights were on too. for one moment, we though singapore is going to get invaded and bombed by some stupid country. so yes, the barrage lowered, water gushed out and stuff. it's a really rare thing that happens, so we were lucky to be able to witness it.

yuquan, leon and jing had a talk on uni selection. i really envy and thought a lot last night. oh wells, i'm pretty happy with what i am now. so yea, no regrets.

this date next month. come home soon, i miss.

Its always been a mystery to me,
How two hearts can come together,
And love can last forever.
But now that I have found you I believe,
That a miracle has come when God sends the perfect one.
So gone are all my questions about why,
And i've never been so sure of anything in my life

Oh I wonder what God was thinking,when he created you.
I wonder if He knew everything I would need,
Because He made all my dreams come true.
When God made you, He must have been thinking about me.

I'm Home.

Do you know what it feels like?
So many things within I choose to hide.

Now I'll do whatever it takes.
Because I know what I want.

I believe.

Love remains the same
Forever and ever.

coz when God created you, He was thinking of me. vice versa.

it's strange. today i bought you roses, i even brought you to a local carnival. well, moments ago, i finally understand what is true love. it really really is about seeing your other half happy or do well whatever it takes. even if you are at a disadvantage just to make your other half happy, you will be happy too. i dare say i know what love is all about, i am willing to share, feel free to ask me more.

therefore...instead of the 15th...

IVAN IS COMING BACK TO SINGAPORE TOMORROW! =)

and all the signs were so clear, but i was in self-denial.

moments ago, the truth was revealed.

it's over, really over.

how did someone you know for a month destroy everything we had.

it's not anger, but disappointment.

perhaps a little of disgust and disbelief.

i was wrong about you or anything, so wrong. i'm so traumatized.

sadly, i still love you and can't forget what we shared.

i don't regret asking you to study in melbourne, it's the best option for your future.

i want to see you successful and happy.

study hard.

i badly need someone by and on my side now.

i hate melbourne.

ivan the cuckold wants to go home.

finally a pretty proper day in melbourne. so yea, woke up in the morning and headed with fanglynn to her school to crash her boring lecture. then it was off to queen victoria market, the one i visited on my second day here. cool stuff, bought fruits and food there to eat. roast chicken! so yea, it's a really impressive market, i'll upload pics when i find the energy to do so.

then we headed shopping! bought lots of food again and shit, i think melbourne is adding on the calories to my body. so yea. really fun day out and lots to see. like i said, pictures soon. then headed to her school to watch her friends fence, yea, those guys. coolios. then it was off to this little italian area in melbourne. had best desserts in the world there. yes, pictures soon.

then sat awhile in a pretty park before coming back. okay, here's come the exciting part, there's a tremor in melbourne like second ago, this one is really bad, the whole place was shaking i swear. i think i'm scared. haha.

okay, i shall stop blogging about my day. now to the exciting part that everyone is waiting in anticipation ever since i set foot in melbourne. today i'm calm and composed. today, like one of the worst things but i'm so proud of myself. here's the thing, we kiss, hug and hold each other when we're alone but when your friends pop out, you push my hands away! woohoo! like, whee!

now here comes the best part. so the bastard dropped a sms to you saying, "are you together with ivan?". your answer was, "nope!". WHEEEEEEE to that! i got nothing more to say.

anyways, i really enjoyed my day with you.

it's 11.30pm on a thursday in singapore but 2.30am here in melbourne on a friday.

#1 you admit he is competition. it would make me feel more secure if you were to say he is never close to being a competitor.

#2 "should i be with someone i love but irritates me or be with someone i might fall in love with but feel more relaxed with" found this line on your blog, i think i'm the first person mentioned, who's the second? you're actually even considering. cool shit.

#3 if a girl webcams with a long-time-no-see friend, i understand. but if a girl webcams with a male schoolmate she sees almost everyday means? oh ya, you did it when i was just in the opposite room, sensitive much. caught you! =P

and i thought today would be different from the past few days.

i always thought i had to overcome you, now it seems i have to overcome myself.

Random photos of Melbourne so far...

view from outside my window.

their fresh market over here.

cafes that line the streets.

some humble looking shops.

old cathedrals.

some blahblahblah centre.

melbourne cricket ground. 6 floodlights, so imagine the size of it.

Melbourne Park, home of the Australian Open.

the famous Rod Laver Arena.

one of the other courts outside Rod Laver Arena.

champions walk: a showcase of all the winners of various years.

river with water.

nice banana coloured building.

more cathedrals, Amen.

just got back from meeting shanti, should have come here right after Os, she's like doing her second year in university now. ugh, too late. oh ya, i'm really excited about the gay scene here, shall find time to go check it out if i can, it sounds really cool.

bought pizza on the way back for lunch, it's really nice, packed with all the ingredients. coolios. so yea, lunch alone again today. haha. melbourne weather is really strange, the rain pattern especially. super weird and did i mention how cold it is here? goodness me, i did not bring any long sleeves and even brought lots of berms. zz.

since the day i stepped foot here, you haven't failed to meet him everyday. i just realized i'm facing competition, stiff one. ugh.

after much thinking, i realize that you do not need me anymore, you can live happily without me, in fact, you'll be happier without me. i'm at such a loss, nobody understands.

i spent the day at home cooking a chinese meal today. besides that i was just lazing around and eating snacks due to a swollen eye. haha, i can cook! goodness me. otherwise it was a pretty boring day. oh ya, shall go eat subway tomorrow or something, it's really cheap here compared to singapore.

oh wells, there's something new in melbourne everyday. the jacket thing i mentioned in yesterday's post. today, i realised that the owner of the jacket has his named saved under the Favourites category in your phone, cool stuff, even cooler coz he is the only contact saved there. i also realized that he gets to touch your phone when i don't, too cool. i love melbourne.

how does a friend/schoolmate for a month overtake me?

walked the streets of melbourne today before heading out with fanglynn to meet her schoolmates for dinner at nando's, some nice chicken place, as in grilled chicken kinda fast food thing. so yea, i walked almost the whole city today, it's a pretty small city. headed to the fresh market in the morning, really huge place, then to some shopping centres. saw many nice heritage buildings, cathedrals and all that stuff.

well, highlight of the day would be my visit to rod laver arena, home of the australian open. it's a really beautiful ground for sports, tennis in particular. cool stuff. so yea, took some pictures today, shall post it up when i'm not feeling lazy. it's like 8-ish in singapore and 11-ish here, waiting for everyone to come online. oh ya, lots of havaianas here and a really huge mooks store. haha.

oh, remember the two guys mentioned in my post yesterday? one of them left his jacket here last night and right now she's wearing it, cool. whee! love melbourne, love myself.

not too long ago, i arrived at melbourne. took a cab to your apartment expecting to see you receive me at the lobby but didn't. went up to your unit and realized you have two guys over at your place for dinner. cool stuff. what a grand reception, a little too grand for me to take i guess. is there no better day to have two guys at your dinner than when the night i arrive? oh wells, two weeks in melbourne begins now. time difference of +3 is weird, melbourne city looks like a nice place though.

but i wanna go home.

breakfasted with sijia and ziyang this morning at macs, pretty stupid, sleeping seemed better. anyways, morning soccer was cancelled due to the rain but soccer in the afternoon with yuquan and fjc resumed despite the pouring rain. haha, so fun, been long since i played out in the rain and got all drenched. so yea, yuquan the biker rode me home in the rain after the match, it was like riding through the ocean. haha. melbourne tomorrow, i'm excited! =D

coz if they run their mouths and brag about this secret rendezvous...
(boys, please tag what comes next)

so yesterday after visiting the tailor with my classmates and having lunch together, i went to meet the boys for dinner at changing appetites, the mudpie is mad by the way. haha, but i still feel that the island creamery one is better. so yea, all travelled back to my home to get the car and embarked on our secret rendezvous which nobody hunted us down.

as usual, adventure of 1958, we went to a few cool streets to see balloons which were so beautiful before heading to a jungle, up a hill, the haunted red house and finally settling down at pasir ris park. i think for the type of adventures we always have, it's time to get a jeep or a 4WD, the typical average car just won't do. hahaha. so yea, when we got to pasir ris park, we conquered the playground, spider web, flying fox and everything that i'm scared of. lol.

then came the emo period at the breakwaters. i think james blunt is good. then we happily went home, happily, i think. we are having one more secret rendezvous tonight, hunt us down.

good or bad, this was where it all began.

last minute decision to meet chenziyang last night to play pool at katong. he's just a pro, he can spin the ball, jump the ball and do all sorts of weird things luh. dammit, jealous, wanna learn. went for supper after that at 85. gonna leave to meet my classmates soon to visit the tailor and maybe have lunch together. byebye world.

My tears run down like razorblades
And no, I'm not the one to blame
It's you, or is it me?
And all the words we never say
Come out and now we're all ashamed
And there's no sense in playing games
When you've done all you can do

But now it's over, it's over, why is it over?
We had the chance to make it
Now it's over, it's over, it can't be over
I wish that I could take it back
But it's over

I lose myself in all these fights
I lose my sense of wrong and right
I cry, I cry
It's shaking from the pain that's in my head
I just wanna crawl into my bed
And throw away the life I led
But I won't let it die, but I won't let it die

It's over, it's over, why is it over?
We had the chance to make it
Now it's over, it's over, it can't be over
I wish that I could take it back

I'm falling apart, I'm falling apart
Don't say this won't last forever
You're breaking my heart, you're breaking my heart
Don't tell me that we will never be together
We could be, over and over
We could be, forever

everybody's guitar hero

so yea, went to town last night with chenziyang and tansijia. went to cine to play wii and i swear it's way better than xbox or playstation. so wanna buy one soon, my next target. hahaha. then went to slack a little before taking the last train to jing's to meet up with the boys for some xbox fun and watch champions league together. super tiring, only got home at 6am this morning then slept a little before heading to open num bugis alone again today just like yesterday. super duper tiring day, lack of sleep man.

I want her to be happy, no matter what that means. I want her to find someone who will treat her with all the love she deserved from me. I want her to meet someone who will see her always as I do now.

ya, work was that boring that i made two new friends called rainbow bear A and rainbow bear B. hahaha. so yes, for the first time in my num life, i opened a whole store on my own, at bugis, so yea, you can imagine what a hassle it is to go to the toilet. anyways, things got cooler when joanfong came over for lunch and then another colleague came in the afternoon.


so yes, very very boring and tiring day of work. walked around with joanfong a little after work to get some stuff for melbourne. anyway, gonna head to town now to meet chenziyang and my classmate! byebye everyone!

i woke up at 4am wanting to study last minute for my test today but the page above at the back of my notebook just distracted me completely. oh wells, like the past, i was first to leave the exam room. heh!

went to bugis to collect keys to open the shop tomorrow after work, tried soup spoon for lunch too, first time trying it. then headed to town to collect my pay and visit the cinelegends. walked around, met joanfong, walked some more and headed to do something drastic to my hair colour. yea, drastic, stay tuned..

oh ya, exams are over, i'm not exactly happy but maybe in a lighter mood.

last night was pretty much hell before i went into that deep sleep only to wake up again after awhile. so maybe it got me a little high, high enough to inspire me to study so i asked classmates jun and sijia out and took a drive to downtown east macs. so we studied there for hours and chenziyang came down from cine after and reached around like 2am.

so chenziyang and me ate happy meal and took our pokeballs. okay, that fucker actually drove his dad's car out when he did not have a license, which turned out to be a good thing coz when i went back to my car, it could not start! the battery died because i forgot to switch the hazard lights off for like hours. so heck, drove chenziyang's father's car and sent my classmates home before going back to downtown east.

so yea, called for this mechanic to come to charge up the battery and start the car again. had to wait quite a while and i must thank chenziyang for being very nice to accompany me at the expense of not meeting his friends. pretty touched. haha. so yea, we chatted about cars till the mechanic came and we both drove home safely.

the end.

ha. fuck. long distance relationships are no joke. unless it's a long distance relationship with like a fling or someone for fun, it can last. if it's with someone you're really serious about, you get so paranoid, you stress your other half, things won't work. fucking big joke to believe it can happen, what a fool.

i thought that we were stronger;

first paper today. can.

just had a talk with the father and the mother, it's been long since i've really sat down for a serious one. you see, there's two types of people in this world, britney spears would say, one type entertains and the other type observes. okay no, two types, one who loves studying, the other hates studying. most of us are the latter, so let's ignore the former totally.

so we can sub-divide this group, those that hate but study like most of you and another group would be my type. you see, the type that hate studying but still study because they are obligated to do so, their parents want them to do so, they want to be successful through education, they follow the role-model system of singapore and maybe they want face?

well, for my type, my group of people, it's different. i hate study and i don't wanna study. i'm not obligated to do so, it's my life. my parents want me to, but then again, my life, my choice. i personally do not feel that education is the only path to success and i definitely don't care about face, who cares? not me. okay, maybe i fear discrimination a little, as the boy with no credentials.

here's the thing, people like me just don't love studying. studying is just not my cup of tea, i like to do things that are practical, like working! studying is practical, but in an indirect way and takes time, i want to be practical straight. i realised after studying for so many years, doing what you love is more important than getting a high pay cheque. it's not that i'm flunging exams or anything but i simply have no interest in studying, like totally zero. studying has become a total chore.

so why am i studying? beats me, i don't have the answer too. maybe because i don't have anything in mind that i firmly want to do? actually i have, but there's many, haven't picked one yet. i wanna be a DJ, i wanna find something unique overseas and sell it here, maybe go learn dancing in a school and take it as a career? really, i'm just not the books type. blame it on my luck, i'm born in singapore, i've been sucked into the system, there's no flexibility, there's no way out without that stinking piece of paper a.k.a certificate.

so many local entrepreneurs, successful ones, all didn't really come through the system. i want to do something, if only i can quit school, i would and go pursue something i truly love. something that will make me smile during weekdays instead of dreading school. i'm not cracking under stress due to my exams tomorrow, but it's just so true, shocking how i'm typing this one day before my paper.

if only someone would be my sponsor. if only i had the capital. i swear i'll quit school, defy my elders at home and pursue something i really love. fuck it.

i told my mum. you let me quit school, you support me, if possible, even support me financially. i will take the time to pick something i really love, begin planning and get started.

last night i went for a jog at fanglynn's neighbourhood at like 1am? haha. so much beautiful memories there, shall not share, it's between us, keep it special. lol. so yea, jogged, feel healthier too. been eating too many chocolates, the jog was a must.

just got home from liangjing's. well, i wonder if any of my classmates were like me today. exam paper tomorrow, like a year end exam and i went there to play xbox and soccer. cool yea? i'm so calm and composed when i haven't really started studying yet. what to do? i got no interest in school, i'm just following the system, no choice, i got no options or reasons to stop school. sucks much.

all the best to me tomorrow and sorry fanglynn, sorry.

"i'll be honest with you on everything here."

day 12 and the promise has already been broken. few hundred more days to go.

some fucker in melbourne is getting too close to my girlfriend. adding her on facebook and msn within days of knowing each other. today, i found out something else, he is moving into the same apartment as her, as in, not the same unit of course but the same block and they will be like neighbours.

let's see, if you are alone in a foreign land, you are lonely and have a neighbour you know who is just a few footsteps away, will you hang out with her often? will you have dinner with her often? will you go over to her place or invite her over often? if you're lacking some love, can she help? oh wells. great, just great, nothing's helping or going my way to make a long-distance relationship easier to get through.

i'm on a bad sore throat and slight fever today.

soccer with the boys this morning and the chat of being a social escort during lunch was really interesting. well, i shall not blog much, just a few questions for attached girls out there.

1) If in an unfamiliar foreign land (overseas), would you go out with a group of strangers whereby you only know one person in the group? Will you at least ask the person that you know regarding who are the rest that are going?

2) Assuming you went for the outing, the person you know is a girl and the 4 strangers are guys. After the outing, you may accept a msn request if one of the guys added you, but will you go add the guys? And if you specially add one of the guys only, does it mean he has something special compared to the rest?

3) What might be that something special about this particular guy?

4) How do you think your boyfriend will feel if you are not in Singapore with him on Valentines' Day, but instead out with a girl friend and 4 stranger guys? (four new male friends on Valentines' yo!)

and ivan ponders...

it's 14th february, so what? valentines' day, blah blah. well, i spent my day working today. the girl working in the opposite shop was nice to make us cookies, classmates gave me chocolates yesterday, friends consoled me for being lonely on valentines'. a big thank you to all these people. so yes, spent the day working, that's about it, nothing much. whereas, my girlfriend spent the day having lunch and watching a movie with four guys and a girl in melbourne. cools.

last day of lessons today, then a study week, two exam papers then it's my eight week holiday. well, it also marks the last day with my class, 1H08, it will be a new class when school starts, new people, new modules, new teachers, everything new. haha, i had a great year with this class, everyone is nice, no politics, no enemies, nothing. just pure and simple. went through lots of stressful moments together too and not forgetting fun memories to be kept.

anyways, jun's birthday chalet is ongoing now, not the whole class is here but most are. just drank few litres of fruit punch coz we played some stupid game and i kept losing, my forfeit is to drink fruit punch, lots of it. sadistic part of the game is, you cannot go to the toilet unless you draw a particular card and yes, i'm complaining coz i don't have that card.

alright, i'm blogging with my itouch in the car now, time to go back to the party. red bull vodka anyone?

today, fanglynn asked me to go over to her house to collect something for myself and it turned out to be above. well, it was nice to go to her house again, been long since i went there but the only difference is this time, she wasn't there, she's in melbourne of course. the above, little notes written by her daily since november till she left last week. every note is a memory we share, i shall not be shy and admit, i cried reading these notes.

best girlfriend in the world yea, something so sweet, what a surprise. seriously, i don't think anyone would do such a thing, it reminds me of the movie, p.s. i love you, except nobody dies. haha. i really love her a lot and miss her a million.

I wanna keep your toothbrush at my apartment
Make a second set of keys and ask you to move in
I'm not crazy
I know what I'm getting myself in
I wanna live with you
If that's ok with you

come home soon, come to my place, your toothbrush awaits to be used again.

i hate to see Valentines' posters, gifts and whatever to do with Valentines' Day around singapore this year. everywhere selling chocolates, flowers, toys and more. everyone advertising Valentines'. so commercialized. i hate it a lot this year, only this year i hope. ugh. irritating.

school today was pretty scary coz we went for a briefing regarding a module in next semester. it's called service skills methodology and requires us to work in a restaurant in school. yes, my school has a restaurant. well, we won't get paid for working there, it's one day per week for 8 hours. we are supposed to have tailor made uniforms and name tags. the scary part is when it comes to the hair. no sideburns, everthing short, well combed and gelled.

firstly, i am already a piece of shit, without long hair to cover some of my shit, i will look exactly like shit. in other words, i am nothing without long hair. secondly, i've never used hair gel or wax since primary four i think, spare me from chemicals please? bloody hell. hospitality and tourism...blah blah...

Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you
I can just look up
And know the stars are
Holding you, holding you, holding you
Tonight

soccer with the boys this morning, finally we're playing on sundays again. haha. then had a belated birthday dinner with my family, good food then decided to drive my family to marina barrage coz i missed my last trip there with fanglynn so decided to head there to reminisce. haha. it's been long since i spent some quality time with my family and now that fanglynn is not around, i should spend more time doing that.

i remember the days we spent together, were not enough,
it used to feel like dreaming
Except we always woke up,
Never thought not having you here now
Would hurt so much

so last night was quite a night, sent fanglynn off at the airport and it's only march will that i will see her again when i fly over during my holidays. yea, march is not far away but just days without her can already kill? we'll see about that. so yea, my boys were nice to be there for me and also to see her off.

so yea, off to melbourne she goes, took a gazillion of pictures but only posted a few, too lazy, too many. life's like dead now, it's boring and meaningless. it's so hard to see a loved one walk through that departure gate to somewhere far away with a time difference of +3. oh wells. ahya, just sucks, so moody.

yea, she's sad and i'm sad. anyways, my boys were really nice to be there for me after the airport thingy. we went to old changi hospital! yea boys! we went there right? we went in right? we bravely explored right? i shall leave the answers to those questions to them. had supper at bedok 85 also, a really nice supper then we just hung around singapore, driving around aimlessly.

finally settled at lido macs to slack and eat a little bit more before going home. gosh, i'm so sad.

you left.

dear fanglynn,

it's 5am here, i just got home from dropping the boys home. we went to old changi hospital to look a little, realised my boys are pretty much cowards like me. anyone would be a coward there right? haha. then we headed to 85 for a super sumptuous supper, after that it was just hours of aimless driving and mccafe in town to chill out for awhile before adjourning the gathering.

now i just realised my air con temp is at 23 and not my favourite 18, all thanks to you la! grr. oh ya, drove past your house just now to take a look when dropping leon. herms as usual never off tv, was so tempted to go into your room. oh wells, i'll miss dunbar walk lots, don't know when i'll have a chance to drive down that road again. sigh.

at this point of time, i got so many regrets, so much remorse for the wrongs i've done, i feel so empty, really, i feel very lost. i did not expect such feelings to come. maybe it's a good thing, made me realize how much i want and need you. i swear i'm a changed person when you return.

miss you tons.
come back soon, love you.

PS: don't ask yuquan anything about my emotions at the airport. i'm angry, you turned back after entering the gate, ugh!

i regret encouraging melbourne, please don't go. the last friday, the last day. it's here, tonight.

I'm NINETEEN! I'm closer to death!

fanglynn is so nice, spend the night with me last night watching dvds and of course giving me a delicious birthday cake from canele to me! not forgetting my wonderful present, a jellybean dispenser with lots and lots of jellybeans in it! woohoo! nobody knows my sweet tooth secret as much as she would know.

alright, so the day was spent with my boys and fanglynn, they bought me something from build-a-bear! hahaha. but it's a turtle, not really a bear. anyways, had dinner together and here comes the highlight of the day, the part after dinner...

hehehe! we sneaked into SAJC! woohoo! so we thought the opened gates were kind to us and we freaking sneaked in to take some pictures coz it seemed like nobody was in school, not even the security guard! well, when we decided to leave, we realised that the gates were fu**ing locked! so it was pure horror to us and it seemed that the security guards have left!

so we got scared, we searched high and low for people in school and finally found the muslim food auntie, thankfully, she has the key but we had to wait for her to finish washing up. sidetrack a little, the auntie is kinda stupid, she asked if we were students, we all said yes and crapped that things like, yuquan and leon was in soccer, i'm in hockey and liangjing was in band, blah blah. she actually looked at yuquan and went, "ya! ya! this one soccer! i remember his face!". luckily we were good controllers of our laughter, bloody hell. ahahahahahaha.

okay, so while waiting, we decided to do something stupid at the fitness corner, we played with the rope thingy and did so many challenging things with it, it was crazy. just pure crazy, it's hard to describe with words, not even pictures will help, maybe videos will but too bad i don't have any. it was just physically strenuous and mentally exhausting. hehe. madness.

well, it was a really nice night, minus the thought of fanglynn leaving tomorrow. thank boys, thank you fanglynn.

thanks to those for your sms wishes, it is really surprising to see some of you unexpected ones sms-ing me to wish me. for those who didnt and those i really expected to and didnt, HAHA.

i'm old, i'm closer to my deathbed. i'm old, yet i've achieved nothing much in life.

i like the smiles on this photo and of course the beautiful nyonya costume, but i detest the luggage on the floor. dammit. it's so close, it's the last wednesday, i dread friday to come.

ate chippy mint with you just now, that's how we spent the last tuesday before you leave.

fanglynn and i fed stray dogs last night at some scary place in kaki bukit. somehow, the dogs did not want to eat our food and chose to eat rocks instead. really weird bunch of dogs and pretty scary too. anyways, met fanglynn at parkway after school today, been ages since i went there. borrowed dvds to watch, just finished watching hitch, shall watch cyborg she later. then we had dinner at dome too!

spending the last monday with you before you leave.

today was a pretty cool day i guess. my ex-maid who worked for my family for 8 years when i was young came to visit. haha, lots to talk about. then it was fjc with yuquan! we won today thanks to a superb defensive display and great counter attacks to secure our win! haha.

oh ya, just finished watching the australia open finals. like i always say, nadal is an immortal in tennis. federer may be the king but a king can't beat an immortal right? nadal just takes my breath away man, goodness me. alright, i'm gonna go spend the night with fanglynn and watch the chelsea liverpool match!

we spend the last sunday together before you leave..

i spent the day with fanglynn, one last saturday before she leaves...

FlipFlops Day!

proudly sponsored by newurbanmale.com, it was flipflops day in school today! so yea, the tukyboys and me gave out free tukytuky to everyone wearing havaianas. haha, it was fun stuff although we were not paid. lol. alright, gonna head to training then it's overnight mahjong at yuquan's with ben and fanglynn! =D

bedok to aljunied in 3 minutes. tiong bahru to bedok in 8 minutes. when is singapore going to send in a F1 team? keep me informed for trials.

bride wars and inkheart with lynnie girl today. great shows, good movies. =D

chinese new year craze is kinda dying down already and it hit me once again that fanglynn is leaving in a week's time. it was like yesterday when i said, fanglynn will leave in few months time. now we are talking about a week. god, end the world before 6 feb please, spare the agony.

i'm in love with macromedia dreamweaver, i wouldn't mind a career in it.

fuck la, school tomorrow. eve of my birthday, test. on my birthday, project deadline. day after my birthday, test.

GONG XI FA CAI!

XUE YE JING BU!

okay, some photos taken at fanglynn's place not too long ago. i'm sparkling this year =D

firstly, everyone have an OXpicious new year and gong xi fa cai, the typical boring line. today, i wished everyone sheng ti jian kang coz i think health is wealth. so many relatives died recently, maybe coz last year i only wished them gong xi fa cai. but anyway, the usual la, visit visit visit and collect angpao. hell yeah we're having recession, i could feel it from my angpaos. bloody hell.

anyways, fanglynn and i joined in the crowd at chinatown yesterday. strangely, due to difficulties in finding a parking lot, we did our countdown while on the road driving and joined in the crowd only after 12. well, everything there as usual la, cheap cheap. nothing amusing, nothing new, nothing interesting.

chinese new year is so typical and boring. can someone introduce fusion? please, something fresh next year. why pineapple tarts? why ba gua? why not strawberry tarts? i dread another chinese new year.

fanglynn came over for steamboat lunch today then it was super last minute shopping again with yuquan, this time took a drive to town then vivo to grab clothes. haha. i don't think i'm very ready for chinese new year in terms of clothes but who cares? just show me the money! then reunion dinner and the usual. boring, someone should change chinese new year traditions and modernize it. like the whole family go to pulau ubin to camp and barbeque wild boar for dinner or something like that.

be part of the chinatown frenzy later. hehe.

last minute chinese new year shopping with yuquan and fanglynn today at the bugis area coz i had work at bugis. main objective was to look for a pair of shoes and i managed to find a white pair of leather slip-ons from pedro. like them a lot. then went to ritz strudel for a fat feast of strudel, cream puffs, pie and root beer before heading to work. wheee! =D

till i find the bigger version, bear with the above. tukytuky event in temasek poly next friday, i'll be there. outside library, free tukytuky for all on your flipflops. blah blah blah. oh ya, 500 to be given out. blah blah. it's a swarovski crystal stud to be punched onto your flip flop strap. blah blah. it is beautiful and trendy. blah blah. brought to you by newurbanmale.com. yay!

anyways, have you all bought snacks from marks&spencer before? i have friends saying their biscuits are nice, their candies are nice, their chocolates are nice. bloody hell people, i discovered better, they have the best potato chips and tortilla chips ever. trust me, go try it to believe it. you must try it, please believe me. TRY IT! fuckkkk!!!

i'm off to training! =D